What happens when two snails get in a fight...?

they slug it out!

x

"I wish that I could spread my arms so wide, that I could wrap them around everyone I've ever known and loved"

how many more days will you sit and talk about your ambitions

all that you can be the person you are dying to be

the place you want to get to always out of reach

before that fury swells inside of you

grows so big, forever quiets you

stand up to your demons

make a run at your goliath

find the best, find the worst

waiting in both of you

it's not the who or the what that is lasting

but how you fight

that is the fight

the only mark that will not leave you

and i will feel my heart drum its final beat

if it meant that i have given this my all

there's nothing left for me, nothing left for me believe in

if not you, if not this...

what else is there but death?

(it's your call... it's all on you)

give more

give everything

give blood

x

"I promise you, we've come this far and I'm not stopping, I'm not stopping now"

I feel like I've been struggling with an inferiority complex for years now

I realise situations in the past developed my lack in confidence and have still not left my memory....."I can't let go of these ghosts that haunt me."

I'm determined to overcome these feelings.

x

"Refrain from making a fool of yourself by arguing with a fool"

Nick looked smart when he got home.

I've been listening to one track off this album alot called "Fljótavík" which is named after a place in Iceland...it's a beautiful song and makes me feel calm. (glad I gave this album a chance)

just a few films I'm looking forward to seeing...recently I've not been too excited by many new films showing at the cinema but these really interest me!

"When I was driving home, I just thought about the word "special." And I thought the last person who said that about me was my aunt Helen. I was very grateful to have heard it again. Because I guess we all forget sometimes. And I think everyone is special in their own way. I really do".

x

"so you gonna try, or is it gonna be the same old fucking song?"

x

"this too shall pass"

x

I want you to know there is always hope..

Met up with my co-Boots-worker Vicky, we went to subway and also found some very cool puppets!

picked up Fucked Up's "Epics In Minutes" cd from Soundclash.

I also bought a work of art by Stuart Kolakovic which I didn't expect to find! (check out "the perfect pad" on Lowergoat Lane..they have a little gallery upstairs)

I thought my blogging was done for the day however I had a nice evening with my bro which I wanted to write about!

we watched Friends, started rocking out while watching my Cancer Bats dvd and ended with The Emperors New Groove

good times!

x

x

How bad would it be if you were walking along and an eel fell on your head?

Saw an eel outside art school today!

I heard through the grapevine that a bird caught it and dropped it while in flight


It was very much alive, some kind girl wrapped it up and threw it back in the river..

saw Miggles which was nice....he seemed a bit down which makes me sad! I really hope he feels better soon. I feel I can really relate to what he's going through right now! I'm sure he'll be ok, I know he's a strong lad but I wish I could help him out! it's just one of those things...my Mum told me sometimes you don't always need to say anything to help a friend in tough times.

after saying goodbye to Migs I hung out on the grass in the sun and started doing some drawing, listening to some music, chilling!

chatted to some cool people and then Vicky suggested going to The Glasshouse...it was still early but I was pretty stoked on the idea!

Had some good conversation with Thom, Vick and Mimi!

(half time eating break to take a photo)

bought the tattoo book I wanted and also Grave of the Fireflies on dvd..first saw it last year on tv at around 2 in the morning..I found it so hard to stay up but it was worth it..rad film...looking forward to watching it again....

also had a little chat with some guys working in hmv about Cancer Bats which was pretty cool

haircut tomorrow! hooray!

x

Don't let this win over you..

"It behooves every man to remember
that the work of the critic, is of altogether secondary importance,
and that, in the end, progress is accomplished
by the man who does things"

so let's begin!

x

Life is About Doing.

today was a rad day! I'm escaping those blues!

Started the day by adding an extra 15 minutes on my alarm clock each time it went off until I decided around 9.50 would be a good time to get going.

the sun was shining with hardly a cloud in the sky!

a couple friendly neighbours offered me a lift up the road...I considered saying "thanks but it's such a nice day, I'll walk" but I accepted their kind offer anyway!

I said my thanks, wished them both a nice day and headed for le bus!

when I got in the city I had a look in Schuh at the selection of Vans then headed to HMV...I really felt in the mood to buy a pop punk album but couldn't find anything that took my fancy. I browsed the music dvd section with little hope of finding anything I'd really want....HOWEVER! I stumbled across this little gem!

I cannot begin to explain how excited I was to find this! my jaw literally dropped! I quickly walked straight to the till, smiling from ear to ear!

I walked down Haymarket still in a good mood..I saw Starbucks were giving out free mini icy drinks, I took one, said cheers and carried on my way!

my plan was to meet my Mum for lunch when she finished work at 2...I had some time to kill so I thought I'd try to get a bit of work done for critical studies...(I'm studying Pschogeographies)

I looked through the questions to choose from but nothing seemed that exciting to me..stuff like "how important is it to preserve the history of a place"..that's kind of interesting but I don't want to write an essay on it

I wrote down some ideas to narrow down my choice and then I noticed I missed a couple choices, one of which said "describe your vision of a utopian city" which I'm pretty stoked to work on!

I liked this little sign below..

I picked up Sigur Ros' newest album on my way out. bought some new pens (Copic markers) to draw with from Jarrolds then met my Mum for lunch! as per usual we stopped off at BB's!

I let Mum listen to some of the old Sigur Ros stuff..I knew she'd recognise them!

headed to uni for my crit to explain what I've been doing the past few weeks! crits always go on for ages (2 hours to be exact) they can drag on but it's nice to hear people's ideas and we sat out in the sun.

as our current project is about the use of text in art a lot of people are into poetry and writing which is cool...most of it seemed very personal, stuff about break ups and loss...I respect those people for being able to be so honest in their work...when I try to convey anything serious in my work I worry it'll be over sentimental or cheesy. anyway I look forward to seeing people's projects progress!

I saw a pretty good tattoo book in Borders I might buy tomorrow, sometimes you can find really awful tattoo books but this had some old traditional style images which I really like...some of them seemed pretty basic too which makes me think I can easily develop them into my own style...

next I want to draw a deep sea diver!

"Some stop feeling love for every word that they once sung.

May I never lose my youth and If I do, may I be forgettable"

x

"In friends we trust!"

x

old man

I still think about you from time to time

mostly hoping you'd be proud of me

x

Letters To A Young Poet...

"If only it were possible for us to see farther than our knowledge reaches, and even a little beyond the outworks of our presentiment, perhaps we would bear our sadnesses with greater trust than we have in our joys"

x

Moments like these define us..

I just had some passing thoughts which I thought would be interesting and helpful for me to write (I'm saying that just to put it into a bit of context as not to seem too random).

I thought of my negative feelings as something seperate from me...recently I've felt overcome by emotions, my optimisic outlook remains yet is quiet...

it reminds me of these Alexisonfire lyrics "there is something waiting for me, in the darkest part of my imagination"

I'm not writing this to sound deep or tragic...I feel very lucky and that my life is far from being all doom and gloom!

It can feel like there's something inside of me trying to bring me down with all it's energy

it's those feelings...resentment, jealousy, loneliness, lack of appreciation and boredom.

it's my mind telling me "people don't appreciate me, my friends don't really care they just pretend, I'm not as good as everyone else, I'm nothing special"...I don't believe it but it's there!

but then how do you choose which thoughts to believe? is that a stupid question? I suppose you just know!

schizophrenia? I don't really think so!

I think I've suffered from pretty bad OCD before and an inferiority complex but I feel they were pretty mild cases compared to people who actually need help to deal with it

(haha my mum just completely ruined my focus on this little introspective essay by giving me a really nice confidence boosting talk! she's amazing, thanks mum and to my friends for being so amazingly kind, thoughtful and rad!)

I don't think I really see my emotions in such a black and white way as good and bad...I think I can just feel suffocated (so to speak) by them and sometimes it's hard not to see them so negatively...I'm pretty mixed! I don't think it's nice to go through these things

however here's another view I find intriguing and is written far more eloquently than I ever could!

"It seems to me that almost all our sadnesses are moments of tension, which we feel as paralysis because we no longer hear our astonished emotions living. Because we are alone with the unfamiliar presence that has entered us; because everything we trust and are used to is for a moment taken away from us; because we stand in the midst of a transition where we cannot remain standing...

please, ask yourself whether these large sadnesses haven't rather gone right through you. Perhaps many things inside you have been transformed; perhaps somewhere, deep inside your being, you have undergone important changes while you were sad"

through sadnesses you learn...things like empathy and eventually confidence to live?

it all depends how you choose to look at things I suppose but I can completely relate to anyone who feels so down they can't see all the good before them! and who hasn't felt like that before!

I could go on about this for longer but I'll leave it there.

I hope anyone who read this found it interesting...I'd actually really like to hear some thoughts!

stay safe!

x

Currently reading...

The Perks Of Being A Wallflower



"Nevertheless, I am trying to participate"

"He's a Wallflower....you see things, you keep quiet about them and you understand"

I promise I'll read The Bell Jar one day in the near future!

x

"Tonight for the first time, It felt good to be alive again my friend.."

So excited about getting this in the post soon!

p.s the customer is definitely not always right!

x

Today I took up the offer of working on saturdays. I felt pretty hesitant about it because now it means I have no days off in my week, it's uni 5 days then working the weekend.

I'm still a little worried it might drive me crazy but I'm also excited.

the plan is to save up some money and travel somewhere I really want to see!

The idea of waking up one day and realising there were all these places I wanted to go but never bothered haunts me...

although sometimes it doesn't feel like it, there is a wide world outside of Norwich...with more to offer than I really realise..I'm sure of it!

here's to having a lack of free time and some adventure!

x

"I need that song, those trusty chords could pull me through.."

"Thoughts are the shadows of feeling, always darker, emptier, and simpler.
I don't care if they're fake or real.
I just thank them for showing up at all.
I have black periods. Who does not?
But they do not have me,
they are not a part of illness, but a part of my being.
What am I saying?
I have the courage to have them.
It's four in the morning. This sucks."

x

I don't want to sleep now because I really don't want to lose this feeling

hopefully I'll read this and remember

x

"Wake up, look up, there's a warmth up there a reminder of peace, a reason to care.."

There's more to life than the boy in that mirror..

Wake Up..Wake Up...Wake Up

from the depths of this hell:

where the free are slaves,

no difference between the cowards and brave.

where our love and hate have become the same.

it's time that we "unbecame.."

where the ears are deaf, and tongues too dry

where the arms don't hold, and seeing eyes go blind

where nothing is everything

and everything is nothing

"arise my soul and sing.."

x

Invictus

"Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the Pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.
In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeoning of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.
Beyond the place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds, and shall find me, unafraid.
It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishment the scroll,
I am the master of my fate; I am the captain of my soul"

x

I am my own worst enemy.

x

"We're much too young of men, to carry such heavy heads and tonight for the first time, it felt good to be alive again my friend..."

I feel like tonight would be a nice for a drive

it wouldn't matter where!

just walk out the door

get in the car

put on some music

and just drive somewhere

maybe to the coast

I've just realised that's the main reason I'd want a car right now

maybe one day!

x

Got a blessing and a curse cast down on me..

"Ain't nobody got the blues like me...

Well things got bad, and things got worse
Half like a blessing, half like a curse

It's these blessings so hard to see sometimes,
Got a little clearer 'bout dusk last night
Ain't nobody got a blessing like mine

It's a red sky night and it's quite alright
It's a red sky night and I'm doing just fine."

x

Crosses and Troubles..

"Crosses and troubles a-many have proved me.
One or two women (God bless them) have loved me.
I have worked and dreamed, and I’ve talked at will.
Of art and drink I have had my fill.
I’ve comforted here, and I succored there.
I’ve faced my foes, and I backed my friends.
I’ve blundered, and sometimes made amends.
I’ve prayed for light, and I’ve known despair.
Now I look before, as I look behind,
Come storm, come shine, whatever befall,
With a grateful heart and a constant mind,
For the end I know is the best of all"

x

"life is a wave on the sea"

It's funny how words, thoughts, pictures can so quickly change how you feel...

I saw a photo and I felt nostalgic
A friend said some words and I felt enlightened
I read a poem and felt inspired

it reminded me of something that was on my mind last night

I went to the greyhound racetrack in Great Yarmouth (with my family and some friends for my brother's birthday)

some bets were placed (none by me)

number whatever drifted slightly to the right at the start of the race, running into the path of the other dogs...

my Dad's friend blamed the dog for his loss "if it wasn't for number 3 running in front of 1 & 2 I would have won!" or something along those lines

As simple as it seems I hadn't really thought about how each move the dogs make can change the outcome of the race...what I mean is it can have a domino effect.

"It's not the losing that gets me down, it's the hope"

(I still don't quite understand that but it's still interesting)

x

stuff to remember...

letters- dyson, grandma & jane, max
cds-The Gaslight Anthem, Youth Of Today
photos-print, buy frame, send in letters
read-the perks of being a wallflower
draw-tattoos
write-blog, essay
learn-drums, guitar

x

"you can find me here
with an open heart and ears
refusing to surrender"

x

While you're waiting...

"I don't know how you feel
But I'll make you a deal
If you'll make it out alive
My shoulders and ears
Are all yours my dear
I Hope it comes as no surprise
You've been known to say
That you're a-okay
When you're feeling sick inside
I just want you to know
I got no place to go
Until the day you die"

x

Some boys forget what the heartache brings..

x

Here's looking at you, kid..

Had a cool day today! it was definitely good to have a Sunday free from the confine of Chapelfield Mall

went to church with the family

as I work sundays I don't often get to go to church, when I was younger I hated it because I found it boring but being a bit older I found it more thought provoking

one thing that was on my mind is that as I've felt quite down recently I was determined to see things with a clear mind and not let that emotion cloud my thought...

I was worried religion might seem more appealing while feeling depressed and therefore using it as a crutch for my sadness and fears which I don't feel is a good way to approach religion....when talking about it with my parents my Dad said it might not be such a bad thing...I'm still not so sure but I'm glad I don't completely reject the idea of a God.

"What heights of love, what depths of peace, When fears are stilled, when strivings cease!"
"No guilt in life, no fear in death"

today felt like the right day to build my "Easter Egg Head" which Alice kindly bought for me! (thanks again Dyson! good times were had!)

This evening I went to this!

another ace show put on by Mr Mike Darkside

http://www.myspace.com/brandedbyfatepromo

it was pretty busy! spoke to lots of nice people! some I'd not seen in ages which was good!

I enjoy seeing Lonewolves play more each time...it's nice to see them play often because not only do they seem to be pretty rad musicians but I've become more familiar with their sound! sometimes when I hear a new band I can't quite get into it! (sadly I felt that way about The Blackout Argument, but they gave it their all..so good for them!) I look forward to hearing some new recordings from Lonewolves!

Dead Swans were ace! alot of people were stoked by their set actually...not that I didn't expect it! I was really tempted to have a little sing-a-long but people were going pretty crazy and I didn't want to risk breaking my glasses! I might sound like a bit of a diva/geek however I love my glasses and I enjoy being able to see! nevertheless I enjoyed their set and laughing at the chaos! I think I looked like a bit of a goon most of the night because I did grin like an idiot alot!


I didn't think I'd enjoy watching This Is Hell that much because I've found "Misfortunes" a difficult record to get into but they put on a good show! they ended with "You Gotta Fight For Your Right To Party" which went down a storm!

had some curly fries, birthday cake, chocolate and beer when I got home! (healthy I know!)

man I'm tired!

x

I want to do some more drawings to give to people

x

My little brother's 18th..

Woke up at some crazy time this morning because my family have made it tradition to gather all the cards and presents, sit on my parents bed and open them one by one (cards first)

Nick got a Nintendo Wii, a football kit and Quantum Of Solace to name a few things! he was pretty stoked!

I received some Cancer Bats goodies from the nice people at Hassle which was a good suprise! only some posters and a couple badge's but still it was better than the usual boring post!

I want to send more letters to friends and family! I'm keeping the one's I get in a little box right now.



Went with Nick into the city...we met up with Max for a subway...good to see him and hang out before he leaves Norwich to go back to Uni..



After saying goodbye to Max, Nick and I headed to the cinema to see this! I didn't have very high expectations but I really enjoyed it! just the kind of film I needed to see!

back home for dinner and cake! Mum bought a football pitch shaped cake and stuck little marzipan cats on it.


played a little Wii sports...no beginners luck for me! triple bogey!

Nick beat me by far!

just ended up half watching this! I really enjoyed what I saw! I want to buy it to watch from start to finish...I've felt a bit down at times today but moments in this picked me up a bit!

actually little moments throughout the day have made me feel happy...despite feeling sad...things like seeing the smile on my little brother's face when he got his cake made me think "actually, this day was really worth getting up for!"

made a wish at 11.11...it took some thought but I wished pretty hard!

x

searching for the light..

x

"This world has got me praying on my knees for one peaceful thought"

"I say to the slaves of depression : carry on...

and sing the sweet redeeming song....

about living this life free and long...

watch me rise, for miles and miles."

x

An evening of "dark german hardcore"

Just got back from this...
Got to The Marquee dead on 8 however due to Ritual having travel trouble it started alot later!

It was nice to see Lea, Joe and Mike but for some reason when I arrived I became all shy which sucked..I didn't know what to say to anyone and I became really aware of my awkward actions...this happens way too often at shows and I hate it!

probably because I'm not good at talking to people in groups but anyway!

there was a kid dancing without a care in the middle of the group for around an hour which was funny! I wish I was as stoked on life as him! he turned down cherryade a couple times because all he cared about was dancing...what a legend!

despite the late start all the bands were ace! they all put alot of energy into their performance's and the turn out of people seemed decent enough!

Dyson showed up during Jealous' set after a long day working at Mango...much respect to her for supporting her friends

It was ace to see her as always and she helped get rid of my rubbish "show shyness"

next show....This Is Hell on Sunday...(stoked!)

x

Grapevine Fires

I should always remember to be thankful for my friends & family

even those that can sometimes feel distant and almost unfamilier

what would life be to me without them

x

I got an eggcellent present today!

thankyou Dyson!

x

Words

My thoughts move furiously as if they don't like being understood

however my mind always feels far less cluttered as the sky turns a dark shade of blue

I hope this doesn't seem conceited, I realise it's nothing new

I'm not an all knowing poet but I'll try my best to say hard things in a simple ways

x

To A Friend

"What are you suffering for?

Your pride or some kind of personal war?

and will you throw it away, for nothing more than a simple taste?"

x

Hustle and bustle

Felt negative at times today..really edgy and moody.

I dislike being in the city on a saturday..too many people around!

After walking around a bit I decided to go here to escape the hustle and bustle.

I sat on a bench, ate a snickers, had a drink, did some drawing and listened to Death Cab!
felt a little nostalgic because I used to hang around this park with friends all the time as a kid.

Wandered back into the city to meet my good friend Max Avery who's back in Norwich from uni which was rad! we hung out in Castle Gardens and saw Blake who had bought an amazing costume for a party...£10.00 well spent! she was very happy!

Don't let Max's expression fool you..he told us it was the best hat he's ever seen/worn!

on another note I started this drawing last night...it's a copy of some Sailor Jerry flash. I've not done any drawing for a while so I thought it'd be good to get back into the swing of things even if it's not from my own imagination.

x

How do you make God laugh..

..make plans.

I've been listening to this alot today.

I Will Follow You Into The Dark is a touching song and it's such a popular track...probably overplayed...not that it's bad but it's that good it would be a shame if it lost it's meaning and became just sound..I hope that makes sense.

I was searching for the video on Youtube and had to go through so many recordings of people doing cover versions!

I also read on a lyrics site that for a girl it will remind her of her parents who died in a car accident...her mother died straight away while her dad passed away an hour afterwards...she said it was like he knew he couldn't go on living without his wife.

another guy said "it's a fact many older people after being married for 50 and 60 years grow extremely close. When one dies, the other often dies soon thereafter. And that is mainly the concept this song is trying to convey"

I don't know what the meaning behind it is to band but it's obviously a very important song to many people...what an accomplishment!

I don't know why I spend so much time worrying when I can only do my best.

"the time for sleep is now

but it's nothing to cry about

cause we'll hold each other soon

in the blackest of rooms"

x

fight the tide, the tide, of narrow minds..

I'm pretty sure some kids started laughing at me today (which seems to happen way too often!) however despite the fact it pissed me off I do feel glad I try my best not to act like that and thankful I have such rad friends!

I can remember being mean to a couple kids when I was in first school and I'm not proud about that!

I feel I've learnt from my own actions but the actions of others also keep me learning.

being obviously rude towards people is a pretty shit characteristic and shows that you're close minded which is not cool!

I realise it's not really possible to go through life without offending somebody but alot of people don't seem to care or understand how it can affect others!

I think it was last year or perhaps the year before but I was walking into the city after having attended the funeral of a friend's mum...two lads were walking in the opposite direction to me and as we passed one of them pushed me then began laughing with his mate.

I'm pretty sure most people can relate to a situation like that!

he gave no consideration as to what I could have been going through..he showed a lack of empathy! not fucking impressive!

don't be a dick!

"spineless and mindless. you flex your muscles and not your fucking head"

x

Goonies Never Say Die

Fry up lunch with my old man! cheers Dad!

Subway with Dyson ( as always, messy but good times!).

I was stoked to give Dyson her present I bought yesterday which was a little mexican thumb wrestler puppet..I was pretty gutted with the fact I got the referee! but hey it may be a tough/boring job...but someone's gotta do it!

I don't know what I'd do without this girl!

she made me laugh alot today

got annoyed about the rude kids laughing at me

and promised an Easter present! (stoked!)

x